The Unrequited Love,
Yields Salvation, as it Brought I Home.
After my ex Lover and I broke up, after almost 7 years, I felt really alone, yet feeling alone was something, that I always felt inside, as since a child, I felt alone, and even when I was surrounded by some.
Yet, as a Child, I was already Searching for my True Home, Before, I did not feel like Home on Earth.
I am a Misfit, yet I Transcended the Mis Fitted Mind Set, as Eternal Presence.
I had a Suicidal Mind, as it always used to make me feel inferior, not at ease, not confident, never beautiful, as I had a deep missing, a longing to Be Home.
Before, I did not Understand where Home was, so after my last Suicidal Mind Fuck Game, which I suffered when I was 29, I Walked Away from that Old Identity, as I was “stuck” in an illusionary Prison.
I spoke with a psychiatrist for the first and last time, as, at the beginning of the conversation, I was already feeling totally different, then what I intensely felt 40 minutes prior.
As Now, I was feeling the Opposite of Suicidal, I even get chuckles, as I write this, because it is True.
I could clearly see, that Thoughts as Sensations, are Only Temporarily, as they Continually Change, in Ones space, as I went from feeling low, to feeling normal, so quickly.
So these Suicidal Thoughts had Imprison I, Temporarily, into a Caged Bird, from that point on, as I left that clinic of which I stayed for over 3 hours, I decided to Walk Away from that Life, it was a decision made, as Consciousness.
So this part of the Story, was a Blessings in Disguise !
At age 30, the Ayahuasca Experience also helped soften this caged bird, as I clearly saw, the Projection of this Matrix, which is a Temporarily illusion of Duality, and that the Identifications with Thoughts creates Ones Own Reality.
I could See, that my own suffering derived from my Poor Mind Identifications.
Yet, it was in combination with the daily Practice of Self Inquiry as the Satsangs of my Beloved Master Moojiji, that Completely Saved I, as I had to Dwell Deeper into this Truth.
I had to fully Deprogram the Egoic Mind that Created an Illusionary Identity out of I.
I Discovered that I am not the Thoughts, Neither the Reactions, as Actions, that derives from the Identity, as they are in Fact, apart, of I.
As, I am Consciousness, which is all of Life, as beyond, as the None, that is the Absolute Self.
This Direct Experience, as the Eyes of Awareness, happened at age 31.
Now, at age 32, I am wandering for 3 years, I have moved over 40 times, which includes the houses of families, friends, as strangers, as some hotels and hostels.
As All is Chosen for I, through Life itself.
I can say, I was truly Tested when I stayed at another’s space, yet, beautiful, sad or horrific, as it was, it Awakened I, as Consciousness.
Throughout these wandering years, I did have many spontaneous dates, with random dudes, that I met, however, Non were Romantic Dates, as I have not had sex nor made love for over 2,5 years, I have Mirrored a Specific Soul for 2,5 years, but he never really came to meet I.
However, This Unrequited Love Transformed I Back into my Original Self, my True Nature.
Because, I Discovered the Eternal Love of the Beloved within, the Love of God.
It might seem “Weird” “Judgemental” or “Funny” to the Unawakened Ones, whatever I Do, Say, Dance, Write or Sing.
It might be odd, that I Howl at the Moon, that I say Fuck, or that I Expose someone’s Ego’s within my Writings.
That I am an Activist, as a user of Marihuana, that I sometimes drink wine or beer, and that my Expression of nudity, I consider a Form of Art.
Or Hilarious, to some when I use the words Halleluyah, or Amen, while Jammin’, or Praising The Highest Almighty.
Yet, this inner Discovery through God made I see, that I am Love, as One with Life, as so Love can never truly be, Unrequited.
As the True Self, resides Home, which is beyond, this illusionary Road Show on Earth, as so, I am always Home.
All is Destined, The Stories are Uniquely, Orchestrated by the Self, To Awaken itself, from the Sleep, so that it Remains as the Self.
As Love is my Essence, my Name, my Presence, my Game, my Drive, my Flow, as my Freedom.
I need Nothing as Nobody,
Love is what I am, as Even Beyond the Concept of Love,
I am Pure Nothingness,
As, The Absolute Self.