The day I left my life behind was the day that life did not give any sense to me.
I just graduated, I had a bachelor degree, yet I felt dissatisfied.
I remember the 3 people who came to my graduation ceremony were more exited than me.
That day I knew something was off.
Within me, I knew yoga was my new path, I even named it the path to freedom.
After my yoga teacher training and ayahuasca experience in Costa Rica, I felt a rebirth from consciousness, however after a while the dissatisfaction came lurking in.
I remember the day I was asked to be on the cover of a magazine, now because I was always behind the curtain in life one can say, the day I got ” accepted” as a “member” of yoga and to be on a cover, I felt exited for a while, but again after a while dissatisfaction came.
You see, all outside pleasures I noticed were temporarily, they did not last.
I build a brand name, I was interviewed, I had diplomas, yet unsatisfied in life.
As I still could not understand who was God.
This question was killing my wanting to do more in life.
When I returned to Amsterdam last June, I thought I would take some time off and rest, then keep going, yet life had another plan for me.
As no energy came, to do anything, after a while, the habitual thoughts to create business also left.
I left my pride and humbled myself by asking a couple of earth angel friends to help me out financially, as the monthly payments needs to be paid, and they generously helped me.
As I had no energy.
I was in the park everyday, by myself.
In stillness, not identified with thoughts, neither sensations as they come and go, but only witnessing these.
Flowing through life as the awareness, spontaneously in the now.
The days turned into hours.
As I quietly sat in stillness.
The time transformed into timelessness.
As I quietly observed.
One magical day.
No seeker was left.
As only Consciousness remained.
My mind was blown away.
The day I got asked again, to be on a cover and interviewed, I felt content, at peace, neutral and serene.
As the something that was always here, had its chance to be seen.
My true self.
I found home.