As I am going through this awakening shift and the merging of mind into heart, a lot is transpiring.
I have lost many friends, it is like in a blink of an eye all is gone. So I am experiencing lost, I feel the emotions of hurt, anger, sadness, confusions and tears come with it.
Now, for the most of my time in Amsterdam, since I got here in June, I have been spending my time in solitude. I haven’t gone out partying since May, and I also haven’t had a lover for two years.
So it’s different, and I am different and I love that about me, I use to call myself weird but now the only thing that comes out is different and love.
I have discovered that different is good, because why be like everybody else. Being you is the most good one can do for themselves. Being you is self discovery.
The solitude I adore, I just love being alone and in silence. I find to love it too much. Ofcourse the emotions and thoughts still come and go but for most of the times, I have been just observing these and not identifying at all with them, just staying as awareness, this in spiritual practice we call self inquiry.
I have been practicing self inquiry for 2,5 years since I met Moojiji on youtube, and by the guidance of my teacher Mooji and consciousness, I have come back home into my heart.
I cannot lie sometimes for the person it is terrifying because all that is unfolding right in front of me is totally new, and I have no more control, but also this is noticed from the awareness.
I have lost the control over my life and now consciousness has taken over, I cannot do anything, all is done for me, I don’t even know where I am going, yet all comes to me, for my best soul growth within my soul mission/purpose. And I trust and live life within faith, through signs, synchronicity and intuition only, and noticing everyday that there is nothing to fight, all just is.
This new shift of consciousness for me, it is like what Ramana Marharshi said I remove I, yet remain I.